10 weeks left - gasp!

I stare at that number and can't get over it, we've been doing this for 30 weeks! 30!  I am really blown away.  Who knew my dad's old smoking bet (He'd bet someone $100 dollars he could go a year with out smoking) would lead to 47 pounds of weight shed, gone, and worked off!

30 weeks ago, I felt like this would be a long(er) term short fix, meaning that I would diet for 40 weeks and then go back to the way things used to be just a tad healthier than before.  Now, I feel like I've truly changed habits for the forever.  Gretchen and I were talking the other day and we were joking that we couldn't remember which week we were on with our 10 week exercise bet (for 10 weeks we would exercise 4X a week or we'd owe $100) that is a big change because in the previous 10 week bets I knew intimately which week we were on and how long we'd have to go before we could have a week off! I sat down to lunch with a friend and we both had salads but later she had a delicious smelling and looking scone and kindly offered me half.  I was not tempted in the least.  I was full, I didn't need to eat anymore and I was good.  Before I would have eaten it just because it looked good and smelled good.  In the beginning of this bet I would pass on eating food because I didn't want to face the guilt when I stepped on the scale.  Now, most foods that used to tempt me don't anymore. 

Then I came across a blog called Love to Eat, Hate to exercise.  She has been on the ball this week with two fabulous posts that became big a-ha moments for me like this one:

Thursday, September 9, 2010

The Battle of the Bulge

That phrase always makes me chuckle...the battle of the bulge. But is that was it is really, the battle against fat, the battle against food?

No, it's not. I've learned that fat, food has little to do with it. It's a battle against my fat brain, my inner child who wants to be soothed, my own worst enemy, me. It's not about the Twinkies or M&M's but about my decision to eat them, too many and too often instead of focusing on what I really wanted or needed. The urge to bury, to avoid rather than deal, grow.

It's the choice I made, time and again, to stay in bed, stay on the computer, do *anything* other than what was best for my health and well being, which was put on my sneakers and go for a walk.

The choices and decisions that we act upon each and every day form who we are, who we will become. I'm choosing to be healthy and fit. What choice will you make?

and this one:

Maintenance=drudgery, right? But it's not. Think about it, by doing a little bit of work (maintaining) you can avoid doing A LOT of work.

I am looking forward to these last 10 weeks; not to get the bet over but to see how far I can go, how much I can loose (reasonably).  :)

Sunday Dinner gone horribly wrong & a fortune cookie

We tried a crock pot recipe yesterday and it was a disaster! It was orange chicken and I love orange chicken, I love General Tso's chicken, I love kung pao chicken....does anyone see the connective bit in all three of those dishes? lots and lots of battered chicken that are deep fried! yummy! So I tried to make a healthier version of it.  Well, I put in too much cinnamon on accident, Joseph wanted to help (Mama, I can do it all by myself!) so I read the directions wrong because I was trying to avoid a spice filled kitchen.   When I cook using a crock pot I put it outside because the smell will saturate my house and my nose and I won't want to eat it. (Silly, I know) So I plug it in and leave it on the deck (ah it would be nice to have a garage). My crock pot cooks very very quickly (even on low, hmm, maybe I should just try the 'warm' setting) and after 5 hours on low (recipe calls for 6-7) the chicken was shredding and not holding its shape, way over cooked and it tasted terrible. 

By now I was starving and ordered a bunch of Chinese food.  Now, my hubby has been to Korea and has eaten some realllllllllly good Korean and Chinese food.  So, we tend to be a little bit of food snobs in this one area.  (I am sure some people are snorting right now and would say that we are food snobs in more than ONE area, but I digress.)  I read some reviews online and found what someone had named one of the three top Chinese food take out places in our area.  I ordered waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too much food, went and picked it up (Scary strip mall area, had to lock all the doors when I got out and hide anything that was visible and then stepped two feet into the shop and looked back at my car hoping it was still there. yes, it was that sketchy!) They gave me a free two liter bottle of soda, that's how much food I ordered.  ::laugh:: Joseph ate the chicken and the rice, Liam ate the chicken, the rice, and then started in on hubby's General Tso's chicken.  Half way through the meal, Hubby started feeling bad and I mean really bad.  (He says he doesn't have a delicate stomach, *I* know better) I figured I'd scratch that restaurant off of my list.  Then, I started to feel my heart race, my limbs tingle and had a weird head ache.  Yup, it was an MSG FEST! We tossed all the food and went for a long walk.  I used my inhaler and drank a ton of water to flush it out of my system.

The only good part of the whole meal was my fortune, "Your goal will be reached very soon."  This morning I am under 200 pounds! I have lost 45 pounds!

Pictures! hopefully

Forty Pounds later....it's me...and the boys!

Here is my "Choose" sign for myself

Here is my beginning picture with both of my boys, being a mommy means no pictures without children in them!

Emotional Heimlich

One of my favorite lines from Pushing Daisies:

Charlotte: I can’t even hug you? What if you need a hug? A hug can turn your day around.
Ned: I’m not a big fan of the hug,
Charlotte: Then you haven’t been hugged properly. It’s like an emotional Heimlich. Someone puts their arms around you and they give you a squeeze and all your fear and anxiety come shooting out of your mouth in a big wet wad and you can breath again.

That's what I needed this weekend - and emotional Heimlich!  

These past two weeks, I have lost the same pound and a half 3 times.  I have eaten roughly the same amount I have been eating, I have been exercising the same amount, the only variable has been that I started back to school (lots of stresses).  I have not however been tempted to eat anything high carb or naughty (except last night).  Saturday morning I stepped onto the scale and after 13 days I was EXACTLY where I had started 13 days ago.  sigh.  internal scream.

Friday, I was standing in line to get a diet coke (I needed the caffeine that morning as I was about to go to a meeting being lead by a person who treats me like I've never taught before {going on my 15th year here!}) and I looked next to the cash register and they were selling little bottles of Jack Daniels and other spirits.  My first thought was, "Hmm, I wonder which one of those is Low Carb..."  My second thought was, "It is 7:30 in the morning, Rachel, and you are NOT  a drinker! This is baaaaaaaaaaaad!"  I am such a teetotaler! I had a martini 2 months ago and before that....Liam wasn't even born or conceived yet! (Liam's 19 months old)

Saturday, I drove up to Pennsylvania for a friend's father's memorial service.  It was a beautiful service.  It did bring up many thoughts of Bethany's death and how I still haven't recovered from her loss (not sure I ever will) and worry for my friend who lost her father.  Sitting there I realized why many people are drawn to church after they loose a loved one.  It is very comforting to know that their spirit is someplace safe and waiting to see you again.  Unfortunately for me, every time the priest would talk about where your soul goes my father's speech about how we are all candles in the dark and when you die they are blown out and you are gone.  So, needless to say, I had very conflicting conversations with myself during the service.   

Saturday evening, I drove to the market to get medicine for the Liam (major case of allergies) and I was giddy with the thought of getting ice cream.  While I was driving I was thinking, "Why do you want ice cream, you are not hungry."  I realized I was trying to fill up the dark needy hole in my heart with ice cream (food drug of choice).  At a red light, I texted Gretchen and she texted me down off of the ledge of filling emotional dark holes with ice cream (modern technology lovely thing!). 

This morning, I am down a pound and a half (AGAIN!) so we'll see if I loose a half pound today otherwise I've lost the two week bet...dum dum dum...again.

Trying to be reflective on my weight loss process, I came to a couple of conclusions.  Once when I had lost this weight (prior to having babies) my body really liked being this weight.  It took a lot of effort to break this particular number on the scale (I broke it with diet pills and other crazy what-nots and I'm not willing to go that route again).  Now, I'm unsure if it is because I start to feel good about myself and slack on my diet or if it is truly a plateau.  I think I will be extra stringent when examining how much and what I am eating as well as bump up my exercise regime this week.   The other conclusion I hashed out was the mind/body connection.  If you are stressed you will not loose weight.  That good old "fight or flight" response.  I am having to deal with stress at school, not from the students (I am pretty good about getting that stress under control), but with the staffing situation at work, the adults!  Since it is the beginning of the school year and I thus I am stuck here I have to find a way to deal with the anxiety and stress.  I think that I will have to channel that into exercise as I'm not willing to go the ice cream route. 

After many hugs from my hubby, my children and writing this blog, I have achieved the Emotional Heimlich!  I am very hopeful for the next two week beg weight loss!

Tomorrow Starts the new School Year

Today is my last day of FREEDOM!  Tomorrow I start shaping little minds (insert evil laugh ....kidding). 

I have been thinking about putting the word "Choose" up on my desk where I can see it every day.  This way I can try to be cognizant of the choices I am making:

I can choose:
~to put food into my body that will help me be healthy
~to put the important things first, like family & friends
~to keep out of the drama that occurs when working with a bunch of ladies (the drama!)
~to make sure that I am mentally in a healthy place
~to be patient with myself and with others
~to be true to my weight bet and my exercise bet

We will see how this school year plays out, it has already started off horribly and the kids aren't even in the building yet!  I am very hopeful that things will even out and be a good year.  :)

Week 26 done - 14 to go

I have to keep checking my calendar because it is so hard for me to believe that we finished 26 weeks of this little diet pact!  I am in awe of what we have accomplished!  I have lost 40 pounds yes 4 tens, 8 fives, 40 pounds!

While I was shopping for clothing (because everything is too big muhhahahahahhhhahaha!) I realized that all of my clothing was very plain.  Not that there is anything wrong with plain.  Most of the things in my closet are 1) solid colors 2) darker colors 3) no patterns anywhere!  I have been thinking about it and wondering if I was consciously choosing clothing that allowed me to fade into the background or was I just trying to hide? I just don't know. 

While shopping online I still looked at Eddie Bauer and I'm loving their stuff!  And to top it off when I went shopping, I strolled through Lane Bryant and had absolutely NO desire to buy anything! I kept looking at it saying, "I own too many of these kinds of shirts!"  and since I can now shop in a REGULAR store (can you hear angels singing? I can!) I left feeling really good about my successes this year!

I can't remember the last time I had so much fun shopping for clothing! let me repeat: I had fun shopping for clothing! ::chuckle::  AND I looked good in my new purchases! woohoo!

A personal Goal is achieved!

There is now a full length mirror hanging in my house!  For the longest time I refused to have a full length mirror due to wanting to remain blissfully ignorant.  Even after my sister had mentioned it might be a good idea for Joseph and Liam to be able to see themselves.  (Joseph was convinced he had green eyes for the longest time because he spent maybe 3 seconds looking in the mirror when we pulled him out of the tub.)  Nope, even then I didn't get one, in fact I refused to have one in the house.  As a result if I wanted to see how my outfit looked on my body (because usually I just bought stuff and then took it home and tried it on) I would have to precariously perch on the lip of the tub to see into our bathroom mirror.  When Joe found out about that little trick of mine he was not to happy with me... woops. 

Now...we have one....I can close the door to our bedroom and see my whole body, for better (hopefully) or worse (hopefully not!).