Sunday, August 29, 2010

Emotional Heimlich

One of my favorite lines from Pushing Daisies:

Charlotte: I can’t even hug you? What if you need a hug? A hug can turn your day around.
Ned: I’m not a big fan of the hug,
Charlotte: Then you haven’t been hugged properly. It’s like an emotional Heimlich. Someone puts their arms around you and they give you a squeeze and all your fear and anxiety come shooting out of your mouth in a big wet wad and you can breath again.

That's what I needed this weekend - and emotional Heimlich!  

These past two weeks, I have lost the same pound and a half 3 times.  I have eaten roughly the same amount I have been eating, I have been exercising the same amount, the only variable has been that I started back to school (lots of stresses).  I have not however been tempted to eat anything high carb or naughty (except last night).  Saturday morning I stepped onto the scale and after 13 days I was EXACTLY where I had started 13 days ago.  sigh.  internal scream.

Friday, I was standing in line to get a diet coke (I needed the caffeine that morning as I was about to go to a meeting being lead by a person who treats me like I've never taught before {going on my 15th year here!}) and I looked next to the cash register and they were selling little bottles of Jack Daniels and other spirits.  My first thought was, "Hmm, I wonder which one of those is Low Carb..."  My second thought was, "It is 7:30 in the morning, Rachel, and you are NOT  a drinker! This is baaaaaaaaaaaad!"  I am such a teetotaler! I had a martini 2 months ago and before that....Liam wasn't even born or conceived yet! (Liam's 19 months old)

Saturday, I drove up to Pennsylvania for a friend's father's memorial service.  It was a beautiful service.  It did bring up many thoughts of Bethany's death and how I still haven't recovered from her loss (not sure I ever will) and worry for my friend who lost her father.  Sitting there I realized why many people are drawn to church after they loose a loved one.  It is very comforting to know that their spirit is someplace safe and waiting to see you again.  Unfortunately for me, every time the priest would talk about where your soul goes my father's speech about how we are all candles in the dark and when you die they are blown out and you are gone.  So, needless to say, I had very conflicting conversations with myself during the service.   

Saturday evening, I drove to the market to get medicine for the Liam (major case of allergies) and I was giddy with the thought of getting ice cream.  While I was driving I was thinking, "Why do you want ice cream, you are not hungry."  I realized I was trying to fill up the dark needy hole in my heart with ice cream (food drug of choice).  At a red light, I texted Gretchen and she texted me down off of the ledge of filling emotional dark holes with ice cream (modern technology lovely thing!). 

This morning, I am down a pound and a half (AGAIN!) so we'll see if I loose a half pound today otherwise I've lost the two week bet...dum dum dum...again.

Trying to be reflective on my weight loss process, I came to a couple of conclusions.  Once when I had lost this weight (prior to having babies) my body really liked being this weight.  It took a lot of effort to break this particular number on the scale (I broke it with diet pills and other crazy what-nots and I'm not willing to go that route again).  Now, I'm unsure if it is because I start to feel good about myself and slack on my diet or if it is truly a plateau.  I think I will be extra stringent when examining how much and what I am eating as well as bump up my exercise regime this week.   The other conclusion I hashed out was the mind/body connection.  If you are stressed you will not loose weight.  That good old "fight or flight" response.  I am having to deal with stress at school, not from the students (I am pretty good about getting that stress under control), but with the staffing situation at work, the adults!  Since it is the beginning of the school year and I thus I am stuck here I have to find a way to deal with the anxiety and stress.  I think that I will have to channel that into exercise as I'm not willing to go the ice cream route. 

After many hugs from my hubby, my children and writing this blog, I have achieved the Emotional Heimlich!  I am very hopeful for the next two week beg weight loss!

1 comment:

  1. bummer....I owe $20 to the pot!...... grr.... argh... blah