Tuesday, December 31, 2013

triggers = T - I double 'guh' - ers

This week’s homework is to deal with triggers.  Triggers are events or things that detour you from staying on track with a diet / lifestyle change.   This is my third year of working on my choices in eating / exercising / diet / lifestyle etc.  Every year I try and look at my triggers and I have had moderate success.  As my sister says, we are far from being “cured.”  J

Emotional Triggers

The biggest emotional trigger for me is stress.  I have thought about this for a long time because everyone has stress.  EVERYONE!  Why is it that some are able to not dive head first into a bowl of nachos and some aren’t.  For me, my trigger stress is what Joe and I call, “Can you squeeze blood out of this stone?” stress.  Other phrases for it could be “The-impossible-task” stress, “The-no-control-over-the-outcome” stress, or the “Are-the-people-in-charge-crazy?” stress. 

I swear, losing weight is like being in AA (forgive me for anyone who has been in AA, all I know about it is what I’ve seen on TV and we all know how accurate TV people are).  In AA, they often say the serenity prayer: 
    God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference.

I think that I need to make a small card with this printed on it, like a business card, and when I am feeling the Sisyphusian Task Stress (Greek punished to keep pushing the boulder up the hill) I can pull it out and remember I can only do what I can do and I can only change what I can change.

Food Triggers

I was thinking about these on my run this morning and although I am far from being ‘cured’ I feel like this is the one area that I have made some head way.  I do not keep a lot of “bad” food choices around the house and the ones like my Achilles’ heel (ice cream) is not allowed in the house.  There is a bowl of candy for the boys on top of the fridge.  I am pretty good at not touching it.  This year I had to throw out some of last year’s old Halloween candy! That is a milestone! A Non-Scale victory (NSV) for me.  Now, to be clear there isn’t any chocolate in there from last Halloween, but there is candy.  Four years ago that bowl would be filled and drained, filled and drained, even the “meh” candy would have been eaten long before it could have gotten stale. 

Trigger Sponsor

This is my last AA reference for the day, I swear! I need a good Trigger Sponsor.  Someone who will not let me have “just one bite” …. Would anyone say to an alcoholic, “Oh, you can have one drink” because when I am in Sisyphusian Mode one bite is the slippery slope to 3 servings of ice cream with all the trimmings!  I think a good sponsor would say, “What is stressing you out?” and then “Will ice cream fix that?” and without the Dad Tone say, “How about a walk instead.” (My secret goal is to suddenly turn into one of those people who are stressed and go for a run!) J

Today on the last day of 2013, I am going to go through my pantry and fish out any hidden food and purge it, it wasn’t for the kids anyway…it was for me! And ask my sister to be my sponsor.  Then I can be hers but I haven’t had to field any crazy phone calls from her…so…hmm…

What are your triggers and what is your plan for dealing with them?

Thursday, December 26, 2013

Day 1 - again...attempt number 3,492

Question of the week: Why am I even dieting?

It would be so much easier to just eat what I wanted to, not get up in the morning and exercise, and keep buying larger and larger clothing.  I can see easily falling into a self made trap of sitting on the couch, watching TV and eating handful after handful of what ever I wanted to eat.  It is easy.  It is comfortable. It feels safe.  I don't have to face what is bothering me when I do this but it has ugly ramifications.  Self anesthetizing myself with food is an old habit. 

Why do I want to change?

  1. I don't like the way I feel 
  2. I don't want to wear tight jeans 
  3. I want to run again
  4. I don't want to pass these habits on to the boys
  5. I don't like seeing the scale inch up and up and up
  6. I want to not be in the obese category anymore
  7. I don't want to feel guilty anymore
  8. I want to feel normal in my own skin rather than slightly itchy
  9. I want the outside to match the inside 
10. I don't want a muffin top that feels (to me) like a cake top
11. I don't want to feel tired
12. I want to be a good model for my children
13. I want to run the entire 5K without stopping
14. I want to get rid of the monkey on my back that whispers ... "one bite...what could it hurt!"
15. I want to feel strong
16. I don't want to be afraid
17. I want to know why I feel afraid
18. I don't want to feel disengaged
19. I want to be around for as long as the universe has planned and not curtail it by my choices
20. I don't want to feel heartsick anymore