Ok that was weird!

I had the strangest dream this morning...

I had stolen a bunch of my cousin's clothing, was wearing pants that were too tight and I had on two purple boots each one from a different set of shoes.  I woke up while my dream self was pulling apart the house looking for the matching set to at least one set of shoes so I could go to work with the nagging feeling I had given half of two sets of boots to the good will.

Now, jokes about purple Prince boots aside here is what my brain was trying to tell me, I think:
A) Stealing cousin's clothing - um, not sure other than she lost a huge amount of weight 6 years ago and has kept it off so my mind's way of setting a goal for myself?
B) pants not fitting - I am so slacking on my diet and thus feeling very guilty odviously
C) mismatched purple boots - my minds way of torturing me ;)  I would love to purchase boots, the current trend of boots I would so love to jump on board and buy a pair.  Unfortunately, my feet are different sizes and so I have to try EVERY pair of shoes on I can't just order 'em from the net...sigh.

My sis is having reoccurring dreams about falling out of a helicopter with no parachute so I should count myself lucky for the prince boots and the camel toe!

After a lot of thought and discussion with my sister, I've decided that I do need to give myself the month of December off of my diet and that by the time Jan 10 rolls around I will be MORE than ready to start another diet pact!  Eventually, I will have to live without being on a diet so now is as good as a time as any to see if I can keep myself in a range of 5 pounds and not loose my sanity (not including the dream). 

Jeans....ah! and what are those...wrinkles?

Jeans
It has been years since I have been comfortable in jeans.  Yesterday, I wore a skirt, tights, healed clogs, and a nice blouse to school.  I came home and needed something comfy and pulled out a pair of jeans.  After I walked down the hall and saw myself in my NEW full length mirror I just smiled.  I only started wearing jeans after my first son was born and I was a stay at home mom, before that I wore them in high school.  You see I hated them in HS they were always too tight but being young and vain as only teenagers can be I wore them.  Then in college when I gained a LOT of weight they didn't make them in my size.  It wasn't until Lane Bryant came out with the body type jeans that I would wear them and even then I never felt comfortable.  At the end of the day I would feel cut in half when I sat down or even the dreaded toe of camel would appear.  So I maybe owned one or two pairs.  Now, they are my go to item of clothing on the weekends.  I would wear them every day if I could!  What a long way I have come in the 9 months I have been on this diet pact!

Wrinkles
I remember having a conversation with my sister once and it went something like this:
Sister: I've decided I would rather be a little fat...do you notice fat people don't have wrinkles?
Me: They don't have what?
Sis: Wrinkles, I've decided that I'm going to be happy with my chubby self because I'll have less wrinkles.
Me: hmm.....

Now that I've lost 54 pounds (2 pounds down in my goal for 4 before the end of the year) I'm noticing more wrinkles on my face, especially under my eyes!  Now, I'm not sure if it is my desire for "me" time and staying up late to watch FBI agents catch the psycho of the week or if I'm loosing my chub wrinkle buffer.  Until I figure it out I think I'll go the lotion/potion rout...oh and maybe try to get to bed earlier, too! :)

Turkey - carb fest is done!

OMG did I eat...and eat....and eat....and..whoa...was that something tasty ...yup I ate that too!

Good news is I stayed above my own personal yellow line: 195! 

I would love to have blogged that I was good and didn't over indulge...but I did.  I did buy a Tur-Duck-Hen and had it shipped to TX, my sister-in-law is a little leery about cooking a turkey.  As for the TDH...not worth the money.  It was tasty, just not what I paid for it from costco.com.  Next time, when we go to TX, I think I'll take over the sides as well.  I can't do a side of carbs with a side of carbs and a side of carbs oooo and those veggies...why they are covered in mushroom soup. 

Thank god I left all of the left overs in TX that way I don't have to see it in my fridge tempting me with their naughty little voices!

I'm still trying to convince my sister to just throw away her left over cake/pie/cookies.  There will be no Turkey Fairy that comes and gives her a rash.  No one will judge her, especially since all her in laws LEFT ALL THE DARN FOOD at her house and didn't take any home.  What does one do with two vats of mash potatoes? ... the trash!

Sunday I went back on Atkins (except the ice cream that fell into my mouth at the gas station!) and I've lost the 2 pounds I had gained from my unintentional carb fest in TX. 

My own personal goal is to get down to 190 by new years, 3 pounds in 5 weeks...that seems do-able! 

Onward and downward!

#4, #3, #2 & #1

This is what happens when you leave your list out where a 2 year old can get at it! you have to rewrite the whole darn thing!  So on the last day of our first 40 week diet bet:

#4 - Don't try and start a diet when you have lost someone dear to you or something else life altering.  Although the death of a close one may kick start the weight loss (because who wants to eat when someone has died) I don't feel like I was in the right frame of mind after my friend died that I could even think about dieting.  It was enough to get through the day for me.  I think this goes for all other major changes but also for depression.  It is damn hard to focus on a diet when you are depressed and feeling stuck.  The last leg of this 40 weeks have been darn hard and I know I've been frustrated/ depressed/ sad/ lonely and my diet suffered greatly.  I think these periods of our lives that are in the valleys are there for us to take stock of our lives and figure out what is important.  This is not a free ticket to eat what ever the he[[ you want to eat but permission to be kind to yourself.

On a lighter note....
#3 EXERCISE - trust me - after awhile your body will crave it, take it from this coach potato it does!  As odd as it may seem, I crave moving around.  A year ago, I would have been happy to let my husband rake the lawn and collect all of the leaves.  Yesterday, I went out and not only raked and bagged leaves, but I was the one who INITIATED it! imagine that!  I feel better able to handle the stressers that come my way when I exercise but also I have NOT been all BIGGEST looser about my exercise.  The beginning of my 40 week bet, I would do 20-30 (more often than not just 20) minutes on the wii.  After awhile I didn't feel like I was getting enough so I switched to the tread mill and walked for 20-30 minutes a day (more often than not at least 30).  I did NOT spend hours upon hours at the gym (Sorry Jillian!).  I do have 2 kids at home and a fabulous hubby and I've lost 50+ pounds at a reasonable pace!

I was having a conversation with my aunt, who was a nurse, and she believes that exercise has a 5 day window.  This means that you shouldn't go more than 5 days without exercising because, in her opinion, your body gets used to being sluggish and it is harder to kick start it again.  This is why the 10 week exercise bet (3-4X a week) then there is no way to hit that 5 day slug fest.  Now it is possible to be lazy and exercise the last 3 days of the week and give yourself the first 4 off.  The weeks that I did this the more stable my weight was and the less it went down.

#2 All or Nothing Usually Means Nothing-
This quote comes from Dr. Phil and even though I don't ever really watch him this saying has stayed with me for a long time.  I can't tell you how often I would start a diet on Monday and then by Wednesday I would cheat and then I would just throw in the towel for the rest of the diet.  ONE itty bitty cheat would hurl me into a spiral of bigger and bigger cheats...and the flip side of those cheats was a nasty case of shame and belittling of myself.  This was one of my biggest lessons to learn, even if you have a naughty lunch that does not mean you can fall off of your diet, pick yourself up, dust your self off and then try again.  You have the rest of the day to make good, because the rest of your life is going to be filled with temptations and cheats and life that just gets in the way.  No diet is perfect and I had to learn to model my life and diet together.  Now if I start talking about dogs that won't hunt...please slap me upside the head!

I asked Gretchen what lessons she learned and her #2 was EAT MORE VEGGIES, the are good for you and tasty too.  Holly's #2 lesson was sometimes a dog knows how to take care of you better than you know how to take care of yourself.

My last lesson goes along with #2 and it is forgiveness-
This lesson I have to remember daily.  There are a couple of things I need to remind myself about forgiveness. You need to forgive yourself for becoming as large and as unhappy as you did because that person is not you any more.  That person had trouble dealing with life, you have learned better.  I have to forgive myself for cheating occasionally.  In the beginning I didn't let myself cheat at ALL.  I was mad at myself for days because I'd had a small piece of bread! a piece of bread for the love of all that is holy!  When I was prepared for events such as holiday parties, teacher's lounges filled with food and other things that I knew I couldn't eat I would prepare a mantra for the day and that worked very well, when food was sprung on me and I didn't have an option that was in my diet, I tried to eat the healthiest that was available and forgive myself for not being prepared or what ever nonsense I was trying to shame/blame myself.  I also have to remember to forgive people with their well meaning sabotages or comments, because they are not in the same place I am with my mental diet health.

Gretchen's #1 lesson is exercise...without it she would not have lost the 35 pounds she has lost these last 40 weeks.
Holly's #1 lesson learned...a dog can save your life.  She's lost 25 pounds.

Total pounds lost in 40 weeks 35 (Gretchen) + 25 (Holly) and 53 (Me) = 113!

Our plan is to start another diet pact on January 10th and so we don't gain back too much weight between now and then, a $50 buy in if we gain more than 3 pounds before the 10th.  We are going to do a 10 week on 1 week off style bet similar to the exercise bet.  I think the 40 weeks was a good idea because it made us think in terms that were longer than a quick fix, but by week 38 we were done!

Lessons learned #5 & #6

#6 - Mantras
Mantras are a great thing to have when you need SOMETHING to keep you going.  In the beginning, I would use Dori's line from Finding Nemo; Just keep swimming, just keep swimming.  I would hum it to myself when ever I was feeling like I couldn't do what I needed to get done that day or the whole diet pact seemed a tad overwhelming.  I also liked, "It won't taste as good as skinny will feel?" and I would say it with the question mark because I don't remember what skinny feels like! But I've got a great imagination ;) I can remember waaaaaaaaaaaay back in high school when I would run for PE, I would get a good rhythm going and then repeat to myself, "makes me stronger, makes me stronger!" One of the bigger mantras I have will be a lesson on to itself, but now I'm thinking I need a new one so that I can get myself through the holidays without gaining!

#5 Meal Planning
I hate meal planning.  I would love to just come home and slap something together.  This does NOT work! it doesn't, I end up eating something with more calories or more carbs than I wanted and worse my children end up eating more crappy foods when I don't plan ahead.  A typical day for me is two poached eggs and two pieces of sausage (3 carbs, less than 300 calories), lunch is usually left overs from the night before or roughly a protien with some veggies.  Sometimes I get fancy and cut up lunch meat, string cheese, a tomatoe, some cucumber and some black olives and put it bento style in a small container and take a little dressing.  Snack is usually some nuts or string cheese (if I haven't had any for lunch), sugar free jello or a low carb bar.  Dinner is usually some type of protein and veggies.  For the kids & hubby I add in some fruit and some starches in moderation.  I would love to get to the point that I could meal plan for more than 2 - 3 days in advance.  I was very diligent in the beginning and planned out my meals and snacks every day for the whole week.  Now, it is more like 2-3 days with a sketchy idea for the 4th day.  Meal planning, is essential for dieting success.  This way you won't be stuck with 2 screaming children and NO IDEA what to make and then give in to the drive through. 

My sister and I have made what we call Meal Kits in our pantries.  We have the basics for several meals put together near each other.  This way we can make taco salad or pasta when we want to and it is easy to make a list because we know what we will use and what is missing from our kits.  I was lucky enough to have a CSA (Community Supported Agriculture) basket every week that came with all sorts of fresh veggies and fruits.  Sometimes too much and I threw out more than I wanted to until I figured out how to freeze the uneaten veggies.  The CSA made meal planning difficult because we got the basket on Saturdays and that meant that I had to make a plan of what to do AFTER we got it which made the weekends a little screwy.  Hoo boy am I off topic. 

Meal Planning and Mantras...they help, believe me!

#8 & #7

Lesson #8 - Peer Pressure

I didn't realize how much I over ate when I was in social settings until I decided to cut my carb intake drastically.  When I looked at how I would eat at those times, I realized the social pressure to eat and the peer pressure to eat was larger than I had expected.  I have been to lunch with different people who want to share or ask if I want some of their food.  I would politely say, "no thanks, I'm full," or "No thanks, I'm good."  I am amazed how many times I got asked when I was finished.  I kept thinking, am I looking at their food like a begging dog?  So, then I made sure to look them in the eye or let my gaze look around the restaurant.  I felt very proud of myself that I could be a broken record and keep saying, "No thank you," without feeling like I hurt anyone's feelings.  I think that people feel nervous when you are dieting and not eating as much as they are eating.  The lesson I learned is to keep saying no, politely.  If they keep it up the pestering, it is their issue not mine. :)

Lesson #7 - Nay Sayers
When you are on a diet like Atkins, there are A LOT of Nay Sayers.  Everyone has an opinion and I do mean everyone!  After having lost 53 pounds people will ask, "What are you doing?" and I tell them, "I have a diet pact and exercise bet."  When they ask are you following a certain plan? I am always hesitant to say I'm doing Atkins, because it is a very mixed bag of responses I get from other people.  Some people nod, other people clench their jaws, and some even tell me how unhealthy it is for me to be on Atkins.  I usually tell them, I have never eaten as many veggies as I have while I'm on Atkins.  This usually makes them either let it go or continue on an anti-Atkins diatribe.  I try not to let these kinds of Nay Sayers bother me because I have never felt healthier than when I follow Atkins.  I say if you find a diet that works for you (Atkins, south beach, Blood Type, Weight Watchers) then do it!  It is your journey of weight loss not theirs!  Now I'm not saying follow something blindly, do your own research as to what is best for you, but if it is something you can maintain for the long haul then do it, I don't think I'll ever go back to the way I ate before, never.  This doesn't mean I won't have cheats every now and then, but when I finally get down to my goal weight I will follow Atkins for the rest of my life. 

Here are the pictures of our 5K from this last weekend

The one of the three of us (Me, my sister Gretchen, & Holly) is before the race.  The one by myself is my sillyness about having done the 5K!  Holly and I were so excited we decided we were going to do the one in December too!  We walked a 5k in under 50 minutes and we ran the last little bit of the 5K.  We've decided to just add more running each time we do a 5K. 

Lessons learned #10 & # 9

#10 Before you start give your self at least 3 weeks to prepare.  This happened inadvertently for me,we were going to try the first week of February, but hubby was still overseas and I decided I just couldn't do it until he got back, I was too overwhelmed.  So, to make those three weeks count, I decided I would do several things to get ready for my diet.  The first was to eat all the food that I knew I wouldn't be eating on my diet.  I hate wasting money and if you have the food why not use it.  If it is too much for you give it to a food bank, but I ended up using most of the food that I had in the house that I wouldn't be using for my diet.  The second thing I did was try and really look at the 'why' I was eating.  I tried to ask myself one question when I was putting food into my mouth and that was: "Are you hungry or is it something else?" Most of the time I could figure it out and if I was stressed, I tried to put the food away and do something physical like take the kids for a walk around the block.  There were several times when I had the kids put down to bed, clothes laid out for the next day, lunches packed and I would start shoveling food into my mouth.  I couldn't figure out why so I let myself eat what ever it was.  Then it happened again the next night, and the next.  I asked a friend and she said, sometimes moms are so regimented in their day that when they don't have something to do they feel anxiety and then fill that hole with food.  LIGHT BULB time!  So when I started to feel that anxiety, I'd go surf the net! 

The reason I let myself have that time was because I didn't want to work really hard to lose weight only to have it pile on again.  How many times have we lost weight only to watch it creep back on.  I think it is because we didn't solve the reasons we were putting that food into our mouths in the first place.  There was a time I was considering gastric bypass surgery as an option for my obesity.  Then I found out that about half of the people who chop up their insides gain all the weight back and that terrified me! Who knows what missing most of your stomach and some intestines will do to you by the time you are 90, and then it was no guarantee that you would keep the weight off! that scared the heck out of me! so I really wanted to figure out the whys and the three weeks I let myself prepare were a life saver.  There is a line in the Cinderella Pact by Sarah Strohmeyer where she talks about a revelation by the main character about how people loose the weight by they don't focus on the parts that are inside their thinking that made them fat in the first place and they gain the weight back.  I didn't want that for myself.

#9 Have a Buddy System
I can't tell you how many times Holly and Gretchen have saved my diet.  They have talked me off the ledge of driving to the store for my personal gate way drug (ice cream) they have inspired me with their ability to stick to their own exercise routine.  I think of them as my "sponsors" like I am an alcoholic, they have saved me.  My husband has always been helpful and after training him not to act like my dad (woops) he has been a great support as well.  However, he is a boy and sometimes they *just* don't understand!

#12 Office Parties & #11 Non Food rewards

#12 Office Parties
I'm a teacher and teachers like to have lots of food lying around.  We usually have quarterly breakfasts, Holiday luncheons, monthly birthday celebrations, and some of us will just bake and then bring by batches of cookies and what not and leave them in the lounge.  Very difficult when you are dieting!  So, I had two plans of attack.  Before a birthday celebration I would say to myself, "it's not worth eating that because when I step on the scale I don't want to fret!" or "its not going to taste as good as skinny will feel!"  This worked!  My second plan was to always sign up for the luncheons that way I knew that I would have SOMETHING to eat!  I usually signed up for the veggie tray because that way I could fill up on veggies.  If it was a breakfast, I made an egg dish.  It was too difficult, for me, to just opt out of the luncheons, I don't know why.  So, I would just make sure I made something I could eat.

#11 Non Food rewards
In my family, food is a reward.  Oh, you accomplished X,Y or Z let's go out to eat.  When I was a kid, you got a good report card, let's get a sundae.  I know that this is an oldy but I finally think I learned this lesson.  When I lost %10 of my body weight, I went and had a really nice pedicure and my eyebrows done.  When I broke through through the 200's I decided I was going to pay someone (FOREVER) to get rid of my grey hair and have a nice hair cut with it!  So I had better stay under 200 for the rest of my life!  :)  When I break through 183 and finally reach the "overweight" stage versus the "obese" stage, I think I'll get some nice (real) leather boots!  When I break through the 159 which would put me into the NORMAL range, I am going to go out and buy some expensive jeans.  I could never figure out why people would spend over 40 bucks on a pair of jeans!  So, I figure I am going to go try them on and see what all the fuss is about!  I was thinking maybe a 100 dollar pair of jeans (see even when I reward myself I get a little cheap because I see a lot of 400 dollar jeans {egads people spend your money elsewhere!})

Oh, and my last thought of the morning, last night I was walking around in my work out clothes after working out and I kept stepping on the hem of my workout pants.  I was getting irritated and then I realized my thighs have shrunk and so my pants are longer.  Irritation....totally disappeared! heheheh!

#13 Restaurants

Order food how you want it!  Restaurants are service oriented businesses.  They are here to provide us with a service.  If you were allergic to something you’d make sure to ask if the allergen was in the food, why not order it the way you need it prepared.  This doesn’t mean be a prima donna about your food, just ask for the substitutions you need.  I will say that when I felt a little weird about what I’m asking the kitchen to do, I'd lie.  I'd say I’m allergic to gluten or that I’m a diabetic, but this was only very very rarely that I felt the need to lie.    I think it was half way through this bet that I just stopped lying and started asking for what I wanted without the guilt.  Never have I had to change my order, the wait staff have always been very nice and given me my burger no bun with a side salad no croutons!  I think we have to stop feeling like we’re hurting their feelings or that we are imposing on them to make it the way we want it to be prepared.  It’s your food, you are paying for it, get it the way you want it!

14. Fantasy vs. Reality

With only 14 days left I decided I would do a lesson learned each day.  Here is #14:

Fantasy vs. Reality – my brain would love my body to be a size 2; however my body knows that that is just impossible.  My brain would love for me to lose 2-3 pounds a week because by that math I would be 100 pounds lighter by the time the 40 weeks were up; my body knows that is impossible.  My brain says, “Ah, you skip a meal and you’ll be fine,” my body knows differently!   This is why Gretchen, Holly and I set a reasonable goal of a pound a week, and with the understanding that some weeks we wouldn’t make that goal.  We knew that life would get in the way of weight loss and we were trying to change our way of living rather than crash and burn dieting.

Now I lost my last two week bet and thus owe $20 bucks.  I'm determined to not lose this last two week bet.  Although, the 2 Reese's Peanut Butter cups are not helping!  

14 days left! 

15 days - 3 groups of 5

Yesterday, I meant to post...and then didn't get around to it.  So, now onto today:

Breakfast - boys wanted eggs so I scrambled up a bunch and we had a lovely breakfast
Lunch - smooth as pie, because I packed it the night before
Snack - almonds while waiting for oven to heat up and chatting on the phone...woops how many did I eat, I need to remember not to eat, chat and cook...too many calories I am sure
Dinner - half veggies and 4 spicy wings not to shabby
Exercise - nope too pooped after today, I had the best of intentions and packed a work out bag too

scale - looks like Monday...sigh.  Onward and Downward!

I have been thinking of the top ten things the three of us have learned during these 40 weeks and I will post that soon.

My plan for the weekend: no grocery shopping while hungry and no cooking and chatting and snacking! :)  Oh! and a work out as well :)

18 more to go!

Ok! I should know not to go to the market when you are hungry.  I was going to pick up 3 staple items...I spent 40 bucks and snacked my whole way home in the car...naughty naughty!  next time remember not to go hungry!

Breakfast - superb!
Lunch - made it the night before
Snack...um...see above
Dinner - homecooked and what I planned kilbasa, mushrooms, onions and brocoli delish!

Exercise - Check
Scale - ok...not great but ok :) I am due for that gal that comes around once a month, which is why I might have been so darn hungry (I get vicious attacks of the starving, dying, starving at this lovely time of the month!)

We'll see how tomorrow goes!  I am not going to beat myself up, just accept and move on!

19 more wake ups!

This is the way the describe it in the military, because you have so many people on different shifts, so I have 19 more wake ups on our diet pact.

Breakfast - excellent
Lunch - ate too much but still remained true to diet guide lines
Dinner - ate a small dinner to compensate for bigger lunch
No exercise today because I ran a bunch of errands (voting being one of them)
Scale - is my friend today! :)

looking forward to tomorrow!

20 days left

Breakfast - right on track!
Lunch - packed it the night before
Snack - was prepared with a box of acceptable snacks at school
Dinner - Joseph said he wanted eggs, so we had scrambled eggs, sausage and I had brussel sprouts too
After dinner Halloween candy - NONE!

Yay me!
Scale - not my friend today (but who could blame it after I was not on track last week)

motivation lagging....

This week has been a big drain on my diet motivation.  Sunday & Monday I ended up fasting for a colonoscopy and then could NOT get myself back on the road to dieting.  sigh.  I remember last time I lost a bunch of weight and was fitting into clothing and feeling really good, I stopped dieting like this and then watched the weight creep back up (partly due to making baby stress, but the weight still crept back on).  I am ten pounds away from being "overweight" instead of "obese" and would love to get there, I am just lacking in motivation.

My sister and I talked about the next weight bet we make needs to be much smaller as 40 weeks is a LONG time, let me check how many weeks we have left...we have ::gasp:: 3 weeks left!  Crud! only 3 weeks left, this is like stumbling at the last 100 yards in a marathon!  pull it together girl! 

Ok, so my goals are then:
1. pull yourself together, you are almost at the end!
2. exercise, you'll feel better and more motivated to do what you need to do!
3. watch what you eat, you know what you are doing when you eat those mini snickers bars girl!
4. you can do it, you only have 3 weeks left, 21 days!
5. maybe start again on Monday and give yourself a last day of sissy-la-la-ness!

3 weeks, good god girl you can do it! you can do it!

I did it!

Yep, I am 50 pounds lighter than when I started 7 months ago! and sick as a dog!  Fifty pounds is such a big number, I remember thinking when we started this bet that I would be so happy to be 40 pounds lighter and I've surpassed myself!  I've been reading a lot of blogs lately and the reoccurring them seems to be victories not related to the scale.  So, I've been wracking my brain thinking of all of the little things that I am proud of that don't relate to numbers on the scale.

  1. I fit comfortably into the middle seat on an airplane
  2. I have a full length mirror in my house and use it often!
  3. I can sit between my children in the back seat of my husband's car
  4. I can fit into a size 14 (still a little tight)
  5. My size 16s are loose and baggy by the end of the day
  6. My plantar faciitus is gone!
  7. I know when I'm hungry and when I'm just jonesing for something
  8. I can say no to something I don't want to eat without feeling social guilt
  9. I have a plan for the future
10. Shopping is enjoyable rather than an ugly chore

Week 32 down, 8 more to go

The good news first:

I don't owe $20 to the pot...it was touch and go there for a while.  My goal had been this week to drop below 195 so I would have lost 50 pounds total since Feb this year.  So I upped my exercise & my intensity and cut out all snacks.  In 4 days I gained 3 pounds and was quite irritated!  I *think* I put on extra muscle because when I didn't exercise for 2 days I lost that 3 pounds quite quickly.  Who knows!

I was able to run walk a mile this morning.  50 pounds ago it hurt to run to the end of the driveway.  50 pounds ago I had a hard time "racing" with Joseph.  The last month or so, I noticed when I would "race" with him I didn't hurt! So this morning I decided to run the one mile "course" I have made for myself around my neighborhood.  I was able to run it mostly and didn't feel the aching pain in my knees or back! I was quite proud of myself.  I timed myself too, before I was able to get the mile done in about 22-23 minutes today I got it done in 15! sweet!

Today was the last day of my 5th 10 week exercise bet.  Gretchen I were laughing the other day because we didn't know which week we were on, believe me when I say I used to know intimately which day / week we were on and how many days/ weeks we had left (I would even calculate how many minutes that was total {yes, I am that math nerdy!}).  To be at the point where it has become habit is quite amazing to me!

Bad news: So I didn't make the 50 pound mark but I am 1.3 pounds away from it, so maybe next week? but my totals are 49 pounds so far and if we count my heaviest (when I was pregnant with Liam) I am down 80 pounds! cha-ching!

Oh, I was reading a recent blog where the lady is doing a program where you reset your metabolism and she didn't loose any weight but did loose inches.  Holly and I had started The Shred (No, Jillian not everyone can do Jumping Jacks! I don't care that you have 400 pound people doing it! :P~~) and we measured ourselves so I decided to remeasure myself and here are my numbers, since July 19th:

Neck: -1/2 inch
Bust: -1 inch
Waist: -2 inches
Hips: -1 and a half inch
Thigh: -1 and a half inch
Arm: -1/2 inch
Total: lost 7 inches!

Week 31's Goal

9 weeks left!

I looked at the scale and realized that I am 1.5 pounds away from having lost 50 pounds.  So this is my personal goal for this week.  To break the 50 pound mark!  I think I will make sure that when I exercise I push for 40 minutes and take an extra look at what I'm eating, not let the snacking get in the way of the 1.5 pounds! :)

Next Sunday I could be 50 pounds lighter than I was 31 weeks ago!

10 weeks left - gasp!

I stare at that number and can't get over it, we've been doing this for 30 weeks! 30!  I am really blown away.  Who knew my dad's old smoking bet (He'd bet someone $100 dollars he could go a year with out smoking) would lead to 47 pounds of weight shed, gone, and worked off!

30 weeks ago, I felt like this would be a long(er) term short fix, meaning that I would diet for 40 weeks and then go back to the way things used to be just a tad healthier than before.  Now, I feel like I've truly changed habits for the forever.  Gretchen and I were talking the other day and we were joking that we couldn't remember which week we were on with our 10 week exercise bet (for 10 weeks we would exercise 4X a week or we'd owe $100) that is a big change because in the previous 10 week bets I knew intimately which week we were on and how long we'd have to go before we could have a week off! I sat down to lunch with a friend and we both had salads but later she had a delicious smelling and looking scone and kindly offered me half.  I was not tempted in the least.  I was full, I didn't need to eat anymore and I was good.  Before I would have eaten it just because it looked good and smelled good.  In the beginning of this bet I would pass on eating food because I didn't want to face the guilt when I stepped on the scale.  Now, most foods that used to tempt me don't anymore. 

Then I came across a blog called Love to Eat, Hate to exercise.  She has been on the ball this week with two fabulous posts that became big a-ha moments for me like this one:

Thursday, September 9, 2010

The Battle of the Bulge

That phrase always makes me chuckle...the battle of the bulge. But is that was it is really, the battle against fat, the battle against food?

No, it's not. I've learned that fat, food has little to do with it. It's a battle against my fat brain, my inner child who wants to be soothed, my own worst enemy, me. It's not about the Twinkies or M&M's but about my decision to eat them, too many and too often instead of focusing on what I really wanted or needed. The urge to bury, to avoid rather than deal, grow.

It's the choice I made, time and again, to stay in bed, stay on the computer, do *anything* other than what was best for my health and well being, which was put on my sneakers and go for a walk.

The choices and decisions that we act upon each and every day form who we are, who we will become. I'm choosing to be healthy and fit. What choice will you make?

and this one:

Maintenance=drudgery, right? But it's not. Think about it, by doing a little bit of work (maintaining) you can avoid doing A LOT of work.

I am looking forward to these last 10 weeks; not to get the bet over but to see how far I can go, how much I can loose (reasonably).  :)

Sunday Dinner gone horribly wrong & a fortune cookie

We tried a crock pot recipe yesterday and it was a disaster! It was orange chicken and I love orange chicken, I love General Tso's chicken, I love kung pao chicken....does anyone see the connective bit in all three of those dishes? lots and lots of battered chicken that are deep fried! yummy! So I tried to make a healthier version of it.  Well, I put in too much cinnamon on accident, Joseph wanted to help (Mama, I can do it all by myself!) so I read the directions wrong because I was trying to avoid a spice filled kitchen.   When I cook using a crock pot I put it outside because the smell will saturate my house and my nose and I won't want to eat it. (Silly, I know) So I plug it in and leave it on the deck (ah it would be nice to have a garage). My crock pot cooks very very quickly (even on low, hmm, maybe I should just try the 'warm' setting) and after 5 hours on low (recipe calls for 6-7) the chicken was shredding and not holding its shape, way over cooked and it tasted terrible. 

By now I was starving and ordered a bunch of Chinese food.  Now, my hubby has been to Korea and has eaten some realllllllllly good Korean and Chinese food.  So, we tend to be a little bit of food snobs in this one area.  (I am sure some people are snorting right now and would say that we are food snobs in more than ONE area, but I digress.)  I read some reviews online and found what someone had named one of the three top Chinese food take out places in our area.  I ordered waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too much food, went and picked it up (Scary strip mall area, had to lock all the doors when I got out and hide anything that was visible and then stepped two feet into the shop and looked back at my car hoping it was still there. yes, it was that sketchy!) They gave me a free two liter bottle of soda, that's how much food I ordered.  ::laugh:: Joseph ate the chicken and the rice, Liam ate the chicken, the rice, and then started in on hubby's General Tso's chicken.  Half way through the meal, Hubby started feeling bad and I mean really bad.  (He says he doesn't have a delicate stomach, *I* know better) I figured I'd scratch that restaurant off of my list.  Then, I started to feel my heart race, my limbs tingle and had a weird head ache.  Yup, it was an MSG FEST! We tossed all the food and went for a long walk.  I used my inhaler and drank a ton of water to flush it out of my system.

The only good part of the whole meal was my fortune, "Your goal will be reached very soon."  This morning I am under 200 pounds! I have lost 45 pounds!

Pictures! hopefully

Forty Pounds later....it's me...and the boys!

Here is my "Choose" sign for myself

Here is my beginning picture with both of my boys, being a mommy means no pictures without children in them!

Emotional Heimlich

One of my favorite lines from Pushing Daisies:

Charlotte: I can’t even hug you? What if you need a hug? A hug can turn your day around.
Ned: I’m not a big fan of the hug,
Charlotte: Then you haven’t been hugged properly. It’s like an emotional Heimlich. Someone puts their arms around you and they give you a squeeze and all your fear and anxiety come shooting out of your mouth in a big wet wad and you can breath again.

That's what I needed this weekend - and emotional Heimlich!  

These past two weeks, I have lost the same pound and a half 3 times.  I have eaten roughly the same amount I have been eating, I have been exercising the same amount, the only variable has been that I started back to school (lots of stresses).  I have not however been tempted to eat anything high carb or naughty (except last night).  Saturday morning I stepped onto the scale and after 13 days I was EXACTLY where I had started 13 days ago.  sigh.  internal scream.

Friday, I was standing in line to get a diet coke (I needed the caffeine that morning as I was about to go to a meeting being lead by a person who treats me like I've never taught before {going on my 15th year here!}) and I looked next to the cash register and they were selling little bottles of Jack Daniels and other spirits.  My first thought was, "Hmm, I wonder which one of those is Low Carb..."  My second thought was, "It is 7:30 in the morning, Rachel, and you are NOT  a drinker! This is baaaaaaaaaaaad!"  I am such a teetotaler! I had a martini 2 months ago and before that....Liam wasn't even born or conceived yet! (Liam's 19 months old)

Saturday, I drove up to Pennsylvania for a friend's father's memorial service.  It was a beautiful service.  It did bring up many thoughts of Bethany's death and how I still haven't recovered from her loss (not sure I ever will) and worry for my friend who lost her father.  Sitting there I realized why many people are drawn to church after they loose a loved one.  It is very comforting to know that their spirit is someplace safe and waiting to see you again.  Unfortunately for me, every time the priest would talk about where your soul goes my father's speech about how we are all candles in the dark and when you die they are blown out and you are gone.  So, needless to say, I had very conflicting conversations with myself during the service.   

Saturday evening, I drove to the market to get medicine for the Liam (major case of allergies) and I was giddy with the thought of getting ice cream.  While I was driving I was thinking, "Why do you want ice cream, you are not hungry."  I realized I was trying to fill up the dark needy hole in my heart with ice cream (food drug of choice).  At a red light, I texted Gretchen and she texted me down off of the ledge of filling emotional dark holes with ice cream (modern technology lovely thing!). 

This morning, I am down a pound and a half (AGAIN!) so we'll see if I loose a half pound today otherwise I've lost the two week bet...dum dum dum...again.

Trying to be reflective on my weight loss process, I came to a couple of conclusions.  Once when I had lost this weight (prior to having babies) my body really liked being this weight.  It took a lot of effort to break this particular number on the scale (I broke it with diet pills and other crazy what-nots and I'm not willing to go that route again).  Now, I'm unsure if it is because I start to feel good about myself and slack on my diet or if it is truly a plateau.  I think I will be extra stringent when examining how much and what I am eating as well as bump up my exercise regime this week.   The other conclusion I hashed out was the mind/body connection.  If you are stressed you will not loose weight.  That good old "fight or flight" response.  I am having to deal with stress at school, not from the students (I am pretty good about getting that stress under control), but with the staffing situation at work, the adults!  Since it is the beginning of the school year and I thus I am stuck here I have to find a way to deal with the anxiety and stress.  I think that I will have to channel that into exercise as I'm not willing to go the ice cream route. 

After many hugs from my hubby, my children and writing this blog, I have achieved the Emotional Heimlich!  I am very hopeful for the next two week beg weight loss!

Tomorrow Starts the new School Year

Today is my last day of FREEDOM!  Tomorrow I start shaping little minds (insert evil laugh ....kidding). 

I have been thinking about putting the word "Choose" up on my desk where I can see it every day.  This way I can try to be cognizant of the choices I am making:

I can choose:
~to put food into my body that will help me be healthy
~to put the important things first, like family & friends
~to keep out of the drama that occurs when working with a bunch of ladies (the drama!)
~to make sure that I am mentally in a healthy place
~to be patient with myself and with others
~to be true to my weight bet and my exercise bet

We will see how this school year plays out, it has already started off horribly and the kids aren't even in the building yet!  I am very hopeful that things will even out and be a good year.  :)

Week 26 done - 14 to go

I have to keep checking my calendar because it is so hard for me to believe that we finished 26 weeks of this little diet pact!  I am in awe of what we have accomplished!  I have lost 40 pounds yes 4 tens, 8 fives, 40 pounds!

While I was shopping for clothing (because everything is too big muhhahahahahhhhahaha!) I realized that all of my clothing was very plain.  Not that there is anything wrong with plain.  Most of the things in my closet are 1) solid colors 2) darker colors 3) no patterns anywhere!  I have been thinking about it and wondering if I was consciously choosing clothing that allowed me to fade into the background or was I just trying to hide? I just don't know. 

While shopping online I still looked at Eddie Bauer and I'm loving their stuff!  And to top it off when I went shopping, I strolled through Lane Bryant and had absolutely NO desire to buy anything! I kept looking at it saying, "I own too many of these kinds of shirts!"  and since I can now shop in a REGULAR store (can you hear angels singing? I can!) I left feeling really good about my successes this year!

I can't remember the last time I had so much fun shopping for clothing! let me repeat: I had fun shopping for clothing! ::chuckle::  AND I looked good in my new purchases! woohoo!

A personal Goal is achieved!

There is now a full length mirror hanging in my house!  For the longest time I refused to have a full length mirror due to wanting to remain blissfully ignorant.  Even after my sister had mentioned it might be a good idea for Joseph and Liam to be able to see themselves.  (Joseph was convinced he had green eyes for the longest time because he spent maybe 3 seconds looking in the mirror when we pulled him out of the tub.)  Nope, even then I didn't get one, in fact I refused to have one in the house.  As a result if I wanted to see how my outfit looked on my body (because usually I just bought stuff and then took it home and tried it on) I would have to precariously perch on the lip of the tub to see into our bathroom mirror.  When Joe found out about that little trick of mine he was not to happy with me... woops. 

Now...we have one....I can close the door to our bedroom and see my whole body, for better (hopefully) or worse (hopefully not!). 

Week 24 coming to a close

and for the first time.......wait for it.....wait for it....I will not make my 2 pound weight bet. sigh.

Last week, I was on track lost my two pounds early, I started "the Shred" with Jillian Micheal.  Then this week, I had to travel for a conference and when I got back was hit by a big bout of "why am I doing this?"  In fact I texted my sister and called Holly with that same question.  

"Why are we doing this, can't we just be happy being fat?"

Holly's response was, "Because we weren't happy when we were fat!"

Gretchen's response, "Give yourself a break, we didn't start the bet thinking that we would never fail in a two week round."

My ALL OR NOTHING self said, "Yes, that was the plan to never ever fail, to always be perfect! perfect I say!"

So, when I gave myself a break and relaxed I got on the scale and weighed 3 pounds more than I weighed two days prior.  sigh.  boo.  Is there supposed to be a lesson here? hmmm

If you have never done the Shred, it is very knee intensive...a lot of squats.  My knees feel like broken Barbie knees...crunch crunch crunch. So, Ms. Micheal, I am going to 'phone it in' (what ever that means) and do a combination of shred and something else. :P

I got up this morning (Saturday) and am down one pound of the three gained, so basically...I am where I started.  I doubt that I will be able (nor should I) try and loose the two I had gained in 48 hours. 

What lesson am I supposed to learn from this? huh? bleck.

16 weeks to go! yippy skippy....boo hiss....Let's see how I feel tomorrow.

Over half way done - Week 22 down 18 more to go!

Vacations and summer have me missing the mid way mark.  My brain is so on summer mode that I haven't been posting anything.  I made it even though my scale was out of sight out of mind.  Yay! Holly made it, Yay! Gretchen and Elizabeth will hopefully post soon (hint,hint).

So, as I have been fitting into clothing more, I have been noticing all things fashionable lately.  I have even purchased some fashion magazines and thumbed through them (although I don't think I'm sold on the Pocahontas look for fall!) Then, I've been actually looking at the types of clothing that I usually wear.  Everything is basically in the same hue range and 99% of it is solid colors.  So, to try and stretch myself I went shopping.  My thinking was: I need to stretch myself and wear something less.....tent like (?) and more structure...and goodness look for some kind of patterns!  So after 2 days of shopping...I bought...a dress and it is a solid black dress no patterns. Now it is strapless maxi dress (floor length) and I am very happy that it fits well.  Not sure I can EVER wear it to work unless I get some kind of shrug or find a half jacket.  But it is c-u-t-e!  Maybe if I find some kind of cute big belt (?) I don't know.  sigh.  I don't know why I have such an aversion to patterns...I guess I feel like I'll look like a table cloth or something.  bleck!  who knows!   The one thing that kept me very focused on what I was buying was because I have plans to lose about 40 - 50 more pounds (oops, I just checked 51 pounds to be considered in the "normal" range) and I don't want to buy anything that I don't absolutely LOVE or NEED seeing as I don't plan on wearing it long.  I think I need to change my mantra from "it won't taste as good as skinny feels" to "will that help you get to wearing those fashionable clothing you are drooling over?"  I think that it is time to allow a full length mirror into our house. 

Speaking of "normal" weight, the BMI calculator says that 159 for 5'7" is in "normal" but 160 is "overweight" and for 5'7" 120 is considered underweight and 121 is "normal."  *If* I got down to 120 - let alone 125 I think I would look emaciated! There would be no way for my body to maintain that kind of weight....unless I started living on diet pills and parsley!  So I'm going to say I will shoot for 160...screw the 1 pound difference between overweight and normal...I just don't want the OBESE demarcation!  I will be able to drop the O demarcation when I reach 183.  sigh....long road ahead....long road.

So, I'm doing horribly on my summer mini challenge to run a mile by the end.  But, I did start Jillian Micheal's 30 Shred.  Holly and I started yesterday and we measured all our parts (neck, waist, bust, and hips) and began.  I can say the first day I thought I was going to die!  Today I was MUCH better and able to do at least one of the 30 interval jumping jacks with arms, the other two I had to drop my arms to my waist.  28 days to go!  I think after the 30 Shred then I'll see how my running is doing. 

Monday was the start of my 5th 10 week exercise bet! I can hardly believe it!  This one will take me until we have less than ten weeks on the diet pact.  Oooooo....I can't believe we will be THAT close soon. 

MIA until the 7th

I'm going to maintain or try to maintain for the next two weeks.  I am going to my parents and a family reunion...so lots of temptations.

32 pounds in 17 weeks

WOooHOooo! Look what we can do!  I've lost 32 pounds in 17 weeks, Gretchen has lost 20 pounds in 17 weeks! Amazing!

Summer Mini Challenge Begins!

First the good news: I made my 2 week goal right on the money on Monday morning.  For the past....3 (?) weeks or longer...I have had a difficult time with my first grade students and the diet has been on the back burner.  (Some of them need a lot from me emotionally and when I'm emotionally drained I fill that empty hole with food.) I haven't slid in the sense of break out the beer and cookies.  I ave still been eating low carb, there are a lot of ways to go overboard on LC.  Sugar Free candy is what stalls me when I'm dieting and when I feel lousy something sweet is oh...so...nice!  Back in February, I had given my hubby some treats and gave him strict instructions to hide it from me and I was only allowed to have one piece on the weekends.  I felt I could handle having easier access to sweets and I did very well, until about 3 or 4 weeks ago.  Maybe I need to go back to hubby having the treats and only on the weekends, food for thought.

I have been feeling very down about my weight as it totally stalled for 12 days due to my stress eating (yes you can stress eat low carb, nuts, nuts and sugar free candy).  So, in an effort to kick start my summer motivation, I had been kicking around the idea of a mini goal or a challenge for myself and those who were on the Diet Pact with me.  (they love my experiments! don't you!) My original idea was to try for 1.5 pounds a week, which would be 18 pounds over the summer.  This would put me past a number that has plagued me for YEARS! 

Via phone calls and over dinner, I talked with my sisters and Holly about what we would do for a mini challenge for the summer.  Three options arose:
1) lose 1.5 pounds
2) run a mile with out having to stop or slow down
3) try one new vegetable every week for five weeks


Immediately the 1.5 was thrown off the table because we all felt 1 pound a week was enough and we are trying not to crash diet but to make changes that last us through the long haul.  Then, my sisters each groaned at the idea of a new veggie proposal.  Holly and I groaned at the one mile challenge.  If you have never been to Maryland (or the south) for the summer then you would totally understand.  Wet heat....bad... Maryland is extremely humid.  You start sweating at 6 in the morning and never experience the evaporation cool that you would in dry heat areas, plus I grew up in the desert so this is not my cup of tea.  


A final verdict was reached and so in 5 weeks we should all be able to run a mile without stopping in the GYM if necessary! :) Although, I gotta laugh that the veggie one was shot down.  When my sisters and I were little, we ate canned green beans a lot...I mean a lot.  Gretchen and I love them.  That was the staple vegetable in our lives, because my mom hated certain vegetables and my dad hated certain vegetables and one of the only ones that they could agree that they both would eat were....canned green beans.  When Joe and I were first married he got frustrated with my lack of "veggie exposure" and I can distinctly remember him standing in the commissary and saying, "Pick a vegetable, ANY vegetable you haven't tried before and we'll figure out a way to cook it so it tastes good!" I may have to call in the Cavalry and ask Gretchen's hubby to help her with some "veggie exposure."


I haven't decided whether I want to push myself to 1.5 pounds a week.  I think it is attainable, but I am going on two trips this summer.  I will probably do the 5 vegetable challenge as I have a lovely CSA and have already tried roasting beets (deelish), beet greens (deelish) and now swiss chard (ok, I need a better recipe). 


Week 16 done of the Diet Pact, 24 more to go!
week 7 done on the 2nd Exercise bet, 3 more to go!